My Two Hours Of What If...

I made my way down the long hallway, got the Humalog, carefully drew up 2 units, had another RN co-sign with me, made my way back down the hallway, handed the syringe to the patient who injected the insulin into herself. She then capped the needle and handed it to me. BAM! That's when it happened; a painful sensation in my left palm. I looked down and there it was; the tip of the needle was exposed. I had gotten a needle stick! I stood there frozen for a few seconds not sure of what to do. I looked at the needle, looked at my hand, and then looked at my elderly patient who had no idea what had just happened. I dropped the syringe into the sharps container and made my way down the long hallway in five steps winding up at the side of my trusted charge nurse. I told her what happened, trying to hide my fear. We finished the mandatory paperwork on the 'event' and then I went back to work, passing my 2200 meds---which happened to include giving 2 more injections. I kept busy, trying to keep my mind from running away with the 'what ifs.' Then lab came and drew my blood and my patient's blood. That's when it started. I had time to actually sit and think as the lab lady drew blood from my right arm...What if she is HIV positve? What if she is Hep C positve? What will happen? What if I have to take expensive medications for the rest of my life that will not cure what is sickening me just prolong the inevitable? What if tonights small poke is the beginning of my end? After drawing my blood, the lab lady followed me into the bathroom to have me pee in a cup; drug test---because of course I was probably stoned and that's why I got the needle stuck into my palm...:) She said they would test my patient's blood first and I would know the results within 2 hours. (That is the mandatory time limit they have before they have to start giving me medications.) Those were the longest two hours of my life. I tried to keep busy. I read my patient's history thoroughly looking for any clues of infection. I found none. I decided to take my other patient for a walk. While on that walk, my charge nurse brought me the phone and told me the PCC was on the line for me. The HIV results were negative! I felt a rush of relief run through me. The next day I found out the Hepatitis results were also negative! All news was a relief. This horrible experience taught me a wonderful lesson in nursing and I am now more careful than ever with needles.

I Need To...

Last night I worked. It was a 'slow' night at the hospital. My bunch of patients slept most the night. There was one patient who made me so thankful for what I have. He was confused and scared and in his words wanted to "Get the hell out of the hospital!" He is a cancer survivor, but his fight for life may have just started because the doctors feel it is back and has spread. Sometimes it's hard not to get frustrated with patients who are confused and combative. When this happens I take a step back, try to put myself in their shoes, and take a deep breath. My heart softens, my compassion comes back, and my frustration leaves. This particular patient has helped me to be thankful for my health, the health of my family, and the health of my friends. Working as a nurse has taught me that I never know when I am going to become ill or when my time will be up...so I need to live my life to the fullest right now while I still have the chance. I need to take that trip to New York, I need to run that marathon, I need to get that waffle cone of prailines and cream, I need to take my mom to Europe and dad to Alaska, I need a sister weekend at the spa with Kasey, I need to enjoy a new hair style, I need to buy the Louis Vuitton bag. Big or small, I need to do these things because sooner or later my time will be up and I don't want to look back and say I should have...